By: Dr. Ed Green
I wanted to do something different for this blog since all other blogs have been about health care and chiropractic. So I thought everyone needs a break for the stress of life and found some really stupid jokes to add some smiles to those who read the blog. Figure, what a great way to start the week, with a smile!
TIME TO LAUGH
Todays BLOG is not really a blog but a time to take a deep breath read some ridiculous jokes and smile and laugh. All of us are hard working and need a good laugh, plus laughing burns calories. So enjoy the jokes and smile today.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”
1. Two blondes walk into a building…….. .. you’d think at least
one of them would have seen it
2. Phone answering machine message – “…If you want to buy
marijuana, press the hash key…”
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn’t find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks
are too high.”
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
“Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied “I know you
can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it too.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
head. Doc says “I’ll give you some cream to put on it.”
12. ‘Doc I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home’. “That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” ‘Is it common?’ “It’s not unusual.”
13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” said the vet, “let’s have
a look at him”. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, the vet says, “I’m going to have to put
him down.” “What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy”.
14. Guy goes into the doctor’s. “Doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck
up my backside.” “…How’s that?”
“Don’t you start.” (someone please explain this one to me lol!)
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff…boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you
give me a lift?” I said “Sure. You look great … the world’s your
oyster … go for it.”
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or
my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other “Your round.” The
other one says “So are you, you fat bast**d!”
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday; one was drinking battery
acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let
the other one off.
21. “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today.” They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking
Fine.’ “So that was nice of them.”
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, “I’ve hurt my arm in
several places”. The doctor said, “Well don’t go there anymore”.
“Doctor, doctor when I bend my arm like this it hurts.” “Well don’t
23. Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search
and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Dr. Ed Green is the clinic Director at CSI Moorpark. He will make you laugh while he fixes your sports or life related injuries and can assist you in any health related topics. Call or stop by the office, www.gotcsi.com
By: Dr. Terry Weyman
I know, you are looking for an insight on something new and out of the box from a small European Island that only Professionals and Olympians know about. Well, that isn’t that far off. In my 21 years of practice I have been labeled “a miracle worker”, “our secret weapon” and “our secret edge”. I am none of these, however, what these kind remarks tell me is that the athlete that uttered these phrases “gets it”. He or she understands the first big “tip” in increasing ones health and increasing ones performance. If you drove your car for 40,000 miles without a tune up then decided one day, “I am going to tune up my car for the first time.” You might notice that your car performs better. You might have attributed the failing gas mileage to the car getting older, or the sluggish performance as a result of driving too much, when in reality, all it needed was a “tune up” to restore its balance and performance. Want to lower your health cost, start with taking care of the structure that your muscles attach to!
The Scientific explanation is as follows:
Specific Chiropractic Manipulation within the vertebral column, known as the “adjustment”, serves to improve biomechanical and Neurological function. Mechanical nerves become stimulated, which serve to:
1) inhibit pain
2) relax tight muscles
3) improve coordination
This occurs only when the vertebral joints allow proper movement of the whole spinal column. Relaxation of tight muscles, by moving their attachment points and changing joint fixations, occurs by influencing inhibitory internuerons in the anterior horn, which are alpha and gamma motor neurons.
Improved coordination from mechanical nerve stimulation helps the brain to control and coordinate movement, maintain proper balance, and control muscle tone. This occurs via the dorsal/posterior columns and the dorsal and ventral spinocerebellar tracts.
Quantifiable changes during pre and post manipulation were documented in a recent, February 2007 study published in the Clinical Journal of Neurophysiology.
This is part of the series, “Treat your self like a Pro Athlete” If you want to receive the series go to the CSI website, www.gotcsi.com and sign up for our newsletter in the left hand column.